A Very Unfortunate Hat

"Mother says I shouldn't talk to you."
"Your mother is right. You should go back to your table."
"She says you drink too much and you're probably a pervert."
"Where is your mother?"
"In the bathroom."
"Why don't you go join her?"
"Do you drink too much?"
"I used to. Now I drink just the right amount."
"What's a pervert?"
"A pervert is a person who enjoys something other people think he shouldn't enjoy."
"Like lima beans?"
"Lima beans?"
"Mother says we should eat lima beans even if we don't like them because they're good for us, but I do like them."
"The next time your mother serves you lima beans, you tell her you're a pervert for limas."
"Okay. That's a very red hat."
"It is, isn't it. My granddaughter gave it to me. Do you like it?"
"Well, it's very red."
"Yes, I feel the same way. Still, my granddaughter gave it to me, so I wear it."
"Is she blind?"
"Pardon?"
"My cousin Walter is blind. His mother picks out all his clothes for him because he's blind and can't see. He's twelve."
"No, my granddaughter isn't blind."
"She must be very fond of red."
"She's a pervert for the color red."
"It's a very unfortunate hat."
"Yes. Cardinal Wellman wears a red hat."
"I don't know him. Is he your friend? Does he drink too much too?"
"I don't know. Probably. Given the state of the Church these days I would, if I was him."
"Did his granddaughter give him his hat?"
"I don't think the cardinal has a granddaughter."
"Maybe he'll have one when he gets old enough."
"Maybe. I'd like to read the newspapers that day."
"I should go back to my table before mother comes out. I don't want to get scolded."
"Yes, go. I don't want to get scolded either."
"My orange juice will be getting warm. I'm a pervert for orange juice."
"Listen, kid, maybe you shouldn't use that word."
"Why?"
"Just trust me on this."
"Mother says I shouldn't trust strangers."
"Go drink your orange juice."

posted by greg @ 3:47 PM