IOMC Controversy!

A new controversy arose yesterday at the much-plagued International Outdoor Musical Chairs Competition. After being ousted in what has been described as one of the most closely contested two-chair semi-finals ever witnessed in an IOMC event, Teodor Karpinski accused one of his opponents, Jibu Abaya of Sudan, of steroid use. Karpinski also claimed the IOMC-licensed judge from Norway, Holge Stodborg, was biased in favor of the Norwegian finalist Hodor Stodborg.

Even before the competition started allegations were made that several IOMC committee members had accepted bribes to vote in favor of holding the event at Loodberry, CT. Each of the IOMC members denied being influenced by the "token financial gifts" provided by the Loodberry Chamber of Commerce. Given that no world class musical chairs competition had ever taken place in Loodberry before, IOMC critics voiced their skepticism.

The criticism grew louder when it was discovered that the musical chairs pitch was nothing more than a not-too-recently mowed cow pasture. "It's disgusting," said U.S. musical chair champion Morty Praeger. "There's cow poo everywhere. At least I think it's cow poo." Other contestants complained about the quality of the pitch. "We don't mind if the pitch is uneven," stated French contender Lucien De Noeuf. "That's why we play outdoors, for a challenge that cannot be matched by indoor musical chairs. But this pitch is dotted with rabbit burrows. At least I think they're rabbit burrows."

Despite the allegations and the complaints, the event took place as scheduled. Despite the delays to remove injured players and to clean bovine feces from the specially designed musical chair shoes, the competition was fast and furious. By yesterday, all but three of the 136 international competitors had been eliminated.

Many competitors and fans suggest Karpinski's allegations are groundless, nothing more than sour grapes. There appears to be little evidence to support the claim that Abaya, the 103 pound Sudanese contender, has used illegal steroids. However, many international musical chairs observers have quietly voiced concerns about a possible relationship between the Norwegian champion and the Norwegian judge. "There are just too many coincidences," said an anonymous Canadian official. "They have the same last name, they share a motel room when they travel, and according to their passports they both reside in the same house in Puderborg. It's not natural."

The competition has been suspended until Karpinski's allegations can be fully investigated and the results covered up. For now, there is nothing to see in the quiet town of Loodberry but the unhappy faces of musical chairs fans who've crossed the globe to observe this competition. Nothing except the two isolated chairs on the IOMC pitch.

posted by greg @ 4:49 PM